18 Months Of Nursing/ Nursing Aversions

I've honestly written this post 4 or 5 times and deleted it. Breastfeeding is such a large topic it's so hard to cover everything in one post. I was trying to answer questions I've received about nursing a toddler but there's so much. So if you have a question please email me!

Nursing has always been very special to me. We've had a pretty smooth journey with some rough patches in the beginning but I always let Olive nurse whenever she needed. She always asked in the sweetest way and even though we went through times when it wasn't super fun, over all its been a positive experience. I wanted Olive to wean when she was 100% ready. I didn't mind if she nursed till she was 2 or even longer because nursing is just so healthy for their little developing systems. But honestly, I think in my mind I pictured her slowly starting to wean after she turned one but if anything, she became even more attached after turning one. It kind of became her obsession and then I got pregnant and she sensed a changed and showed no sign of weaning. I have loved the bond and connection we've had from nursing but today is the day we will stop. 

Since getting pregnant I've been having strong nursing aversions and have been fighting through them for the past few months. We were only nursing once a day at nap time and I was praying my milk would dry up or that she would stop liking the taste of it.... like everyone told me she would but that just hasn't happened. Every time she latches my whole body cringes and I get so angry. Then after a few minutes, I'm fine but just feel like everything is being drained from me and I'm just irritable. It's really broken my heart, I never knew what nursing aversions were until I got pregnant with this baby. I always wanted to tandem nurse my babies and all the sudden I couldn't even fathom the idea of nursing two babies at once. It's taken me quite some time to be okay with just stopping altogether. I still hoped that she would just stop but the nap time session is what she was holding onto. 

I've fought for a long time with feelings of selfishness, like how selfish am I to stop giving her this incredible amount of nutrition because I feel like "I can't do it anymore". I've felt like I'm betraying her... I've questioned my mothering and my heart but with a lot of Austin's support, I've realized it's just not a healthy thing for me right now and that's okay. I am SO incredibly happy we made it to 18 months. 18 months of feeding and sustaining my babies body + 9 months in the womb. It's a bittersweet ending and I wish it would have ended on a lighter note but I'm excited about the break and to be able to happily nurse a newborn this fall.

Now I'm just praying that by the Friday she will be able to peacefully go down for a nap without asking for milk. If you think about it pray for us and if you have any tips on how to put a baby down for a nap without nursing please please share in the comments or email me!